Today I’m A Chameleon

Change. For such a small word, it’s an incredibly difficult action. Through life I’ve changed a lot, both mentally and physically. Some of these changes have been good, some haven’t, but as I reach adult-hood and my move to the “real world”, I find that I regret nothing. I know everyone says, “live life with no regrets” and I know that practicing this, especially as a teenager, is a nearly impossible task. But what I think people seem to miss in this saying is that regrets and mistakes are not similes.

You are going to make mistakes; you are human. No matter how put together a person seems, everyone has their baggage, the only thing that differs is how they handle it. I have made a lot of mistakes in my short life. I’ve gotten in with the wrong crowd, dated the wrong guys, had the wrong priorities, and for the longest time I had a laundry list of regrets.  They made me hate myself. I would start to get to a good place, and then a song would come on the radio that would remind me of one of my many regrets and I’d sink right back to my self-conscious, self-depreciating ways.

Until recently I didn’t question the cycle, or notice it really. But once I realized this, and stopped to look at it, I saw what I was doing. As long as I held on to my mistakes as regrets and let them define me, I stayed the same. By accepting my mistakes and moving on from them, I’d be allowing myself to change, to be confident, to grow up. And that’s scary. Hell it’s terrifying. I haven’t known what it’s like to believe in myself for a while now, and I’d become comfortable with that. So I let my regrets define me. I allowed my slip-ups to be me, rather than inviting them to help shape me. But, as my senior year comes to a close, I realize I want more out of life. I’m tired of not liking myself for not being perfect. I’m tired of letting the mistakes I made as a girl keep me from becoming the woman I’m meant to be. 

We are human, and as humans we are afraid of change, even if it’s for the better. So we let our mistakes become regrets, and we allow them to keep us stuck in our comfortable cycles. But imagine what we could accomplish if we wrote off our mistakes for what they were, took what we could from them, and carried on with our lives, loving ourselves the whole way. Imagine what we could do. It’s a dream I can’t wait to make a reality.

14 March 2012 ·

Not So Hopeless Romantic

People say my downfall is that I want my life to be like a romantic comedy. I want someone to stand under my window with a boom box raised above their head, I want to dance and kiss in the summers rain, and more than anything I want someone that will have a tickle fight with me instead of going to a party and drinking their memories away. But it seems like all the advice I get when it comes to dating is games. “Play hard to get” they say. “Act like you don’t know he exists. Guys can’t resist that” another friend will advise me. But that’s not me. I’ve never been one to ignore or go by things calmly. If I’m happy, you’ll know it. If I’m sad, it’s blatantly obvious. I used to try to change myself to fit the modern day version of what I should do and how I should act. Calm, cool, collected. And quite frankly, I felt ridiculous. If I can’t skip up to someone or sing my sentences, I just don’t feel right.

That is when I realized, I am not normal. Nowhere close to it. And that’s exactly why I’m awesome. So I might not be the girl guy’s drool over, nor will I ever be seen as mysterious or sexy. I will always be the odd ball, or the quirky friend. And in high school, that’s going to suck romantically. But at some point in time, someone will find the fact that I jump in rain puddles instead of avoiding them to be the cutest thing in the world. Someone will find me and think “Hey I think moonwalking is a much more effective form of transportation too”. And when that day comes, he’ll love me. Not because I’m mysterious, and not because I ignore him to make him want me, but because I’m myself and I really love the person I am and I’m so excited to see the person I’ll become. And sure, this mystery man might not hold an iPod dock over his head, or run in slow motion to kiss me in a field of daisies, but that’ll be okay because deep down inside I know I don’t really need that. I just need to know that I’m important enough to deserve someone that would watch those movies with me just because they love the idea of spending time with such a great girl.

14 February 2012 ·

Talking To “the Twins” by Alyssa West

Today I was thoroughly enjoying my morning skimming through magazines. Then a Victoria’s Secret catalog fell into my lap. As a kid I always wondered what Victoria’s Secret was. Was she a closet anime enthusiast? Was her left foot significantly bigger than her right? Or did she have a hidden Vanilla Ice obsession? As I grew up, however, I began to realize her secret had more to do with the models she used than anything else.Victoria, that sneaky little minx, uses models with bodies that everyone wants, but that no one ever has. She probably went into this plan thinking that people would buy the clothes since they wanted to be the models. But as I looked down at the catalog the self hate filled thoughts starting flooding into my head, a raging river of personal criticisms with no dam to stop its flow. There was no way in hell that my 34DD boobs and booty that would make Beyonce bow down could fit into those tiny baby clothes that the perfect girls were wearing. And that’s when I realized that I couldn’t be the only one that felt this way. The super skinny girls with little to no chest couldn’t be looking at the busty models knowing with all certainty that they would look just like them once they slipped into the slinky clothes. And the bigger girls probably wouldn’t even look at the catalog, because they couldn’t imagine themselves looking that sexy. But why is it that teeny tiny bodies with big boobs, big lips, and smoldering eyes are the ultimate meaning of beauty when so few women actually look like that? Everyday at school I hear at least five girls criticizing their body,”This is too big” or “This is too small”. But never do I hear these beautiful young women criticizing the people who put this perfect image of beauty into our brains. Big breast, small breast, huge asses, or flat as a board, your body is your body, and the only way to make others believe you’re beautiful is if you start believing it first. Victoria may have many secrets, just like any girl, but just because her secret is splayed across catalogs and billboards, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s right. We all need a new secret, but one that’s not kept hidden. My name’s Alyssa, and I secretly have wide hips, a bit too much chub around my midline, and cellulite filled thighs, but my bigger secret? I still think I’m absolutely beautiful.

21 June 2011 ·

What’s Love Got to Do With It

 Sex: I’m all for it, as long as it’s for the right reasons, with protection and my daughters don’t do it (: You think that your parents are so out of touch, but they too were horny teenagers back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth. In the 70s and 80s, everybody was sleeping around; we just didn’t talk about it. Now everybody talks about it, and sings about it, and makes tapes about it. America is the most hypocritical nation when it comes to sex. Advertisers use sex to sell everything from cars to mascara, and yet if an actress happens to show too much skin, she’s publically flogged. So how much is too much?

Let’s first look at why the subject of sex comes up: is it because it’s Spring and that guy in Chemistry is hot enough to light your Bunsen burner without a match? Or is it because you’ve been dating someone you love for a long time and the time has come to take it to the next level? The first scenario is not a valid reason to drop your drawers; that’s the kind of sex that’s followed by regrets and the walk of shame. The second scenario is much less likely to make you regret your decision, provided you are using protection, and you’re REALLY sure. Sex is not a pair of shoes you can send back to Zappos, because they didn’t fit. There is no free return postage on this decision; once you’ve lost your virginity, it’s gone. Sex can be the best and most fun way to show someone you love them, or it can be the most demeaning act imaginable. It’s all in the motivation. Sex doesn’t have to be the animalistic bump and grind you see in music videos.  Just because a guy is a dog, doesn’t mean you have to support his behavior. We are not animals; we do not lick our privates in public or turn around 3 times before we lie down.  

How will guys know how to treat girls, unless we train them? Just because the media portrays women as needing to dress and act like a porn star to get a guy doesn’t mean it’s true. Guys think that they are in charge; they aren’t. Girls hold all the power when it comes to sex; a guy cannot make you do anything, if you don’t want to do it. If you are afraid to say “No,” that is a much bigger problem. When he says, “If you loved me, you’d show me,” he’s lying. If a guy makes you think you have to have sex when you don’t want to, that’s an act of violence and intimidation, not love.  If you are uncomfortable talking about sex with a guy, you definitely should not go any further than talk. Sex can and should be about love. Your body is a gift; make sure the person you give it to is someone you cherish and someone you will remember with a smile when, and if, you move on.

8 June 2011 ·

Who’s in charge?

Men will have you believe that the are in charge, but in the sexual arena, no matter how hard the media is pushing you to think differently, women rule. How many times have you seen a guy who has the reputation as a man-whore change completely when he falls in love. He finds a girl who says, “No” and means it, and all of a sudden he is following her around like a puppy dog. Men are programmed to obey women at a very early age by their mommies, and all the advertising and talking down to women will never completely erase that. As women, we need to capitalize on this. We can train guys to treat us with respect, but we need to see the value in that. No guy will ever respect us if we don’t first respect ourselves, and secondly support other girls. We need to take back the power of our own sexuality; it’s up to us.

24 May 2011 ·

What does it take to be popular?????

What Does It Take to be Popular?
What do you sacrifice to be at the top of the social ladder, and why? Being popular is rarely about who you are; it’s about what you did, or sometimes who you did. Popularity comes with responsibility, or it should. It’s like Lindsay Lohan; remember when she was a celebrity for her talent; not just the punch-line of some joke? What went wrong? What always goes wrong when you’re at the top, there’s only one way to go…down. Unless, of course, you’re popular because you have talent and you’re confident enough to just be a good person. Is that even a possibility (helloooo Jennifer Aniston)? What if, like in the Jack Black movie, “Shallow Hal”, our looks were based upon what we gave back?
What would you see when you look in the mirror, Beauty or Beast?

Wanna Girl Talk some more?  Add a comment below or email me at terri@alifeinbalance.com

4 May 2011 ·

3 Signs that a Boy isn’t Worth your Time

Three Signs That a Boy Isn’t Worth Your Time

Guest blogger: Alyssa West

It seems that around prom, everyone and their brother gets into a relationship. I’m convinced that this phenomenon sprouts from the desire to have that classic picture of you and your sweetheart holding hands, staring longingly off into the sunset, corsages sparkling in the fading light. But another thing I’ve noticed is that these prom relationships are often short lived. The girl realizes that the boy isn’t everything she expected him to be, and perhaps his hand is riding a bit too low on those slow songs. So how do you know if a guy is your knight in shining armor or just a dud in a glow-in-the-dark bow tie? I am by no means a love guru or a star example of picking the right guy, but I’d like to think that I’ve chosen enough less than suitable suitors to be a pro on what NOT to do. Here are three key signs that a guy isn’t worth anything more than a flip of your hair.

• If a guy is a dick to you when he’s around his friends, he’s probably a dick. “He’s soooo sweet when we’re one-on-one though!” It’s the typical line a friend uses when defending her most recent jerky boy choice. A guy may treat you like a queen when you’re hanging out at your house, with no guys present to witness his mushiness, but the true test is how he acts when he’s around his friends. If a guy isn’t confident enough to be kind and respectful to you in front of his friends for fear of being taunted, he’s probably not confident enough to handle a strong woman like you. 
• If he ignores you in school. Nowadays, it seems like 99% of relationships start with a Poke on Facebook. I myself have had at least six potential relationships spark from a friend request. But what happens when your new virtual love interest, doesn’t stay strictly virtual? No matter how great conversation is when you’re texting, or IM-ing, or picture commenting, if in school he never even makes eye contact with you, the relationship doesn’t have a bright future. At some point in time, the virtual relationship won’t be able to fulfill you. A winky-face emoticon can only last for so long. When that time comes, him making you feel invisible in public will take a toll that can’t be fixed with him liking your witty statuses
• If you don’t meet his friends. In the beginning of a relationship, it’s nice to be one-on-one. Getting to know each other is easier when you aren’t worried about how other people are feeling, but at some point in time, meeting his friends needs to happen. The people someone associates with says a lot about the person. This isn’t to say that his friends make up who he is, but you can tell a lot about his personality. Meeting his friends is a way to see how he acts when he’s not just around you, uncensored and raw. This side is bound to come out at some time because no one can hide who they truly are forever. And it’s better to find out your sweetheart’s quirks before you’re in too deep. 

The most important rule, however, is to not let prom, or any one situation, be a determining factor in your relationship. And never settle for someone that makes you feel like anything less than the perfect creation you are.

26 April 2011 ·

Clicques

Cliques:

“You got your freshmen, ROTC guys, preps, J.V. jocks, Asian nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity jocks Unfriendly black hotties, Girls who eat their feelings, Girls who don’t eat anything, Desperate wannabes, Burnouts, Sexually active band geeks” —Mean Girls    

If you don’t find yourself on this list, does that mean you don’t exist? Remember in Middle school when everybody was friends with everybody else? Where even though cliques existed, somehow everyone seemed to get along.  And then along comes high school, and if you’re pretty you’re either popular or you have a bulls-eye on your back. And God forbid you’re not stick thin with straight hair: the bulls-eye turns into a Kick Me sign.  How can girls expect guys to treat them well if they’re spending most of their time trashing other girls?

Do you see the irony here? What if, for just a moment, we stopped looking at the girl next to us as competition for the pin-head with the nice butt? What if we saw her as an ally in the struggle to make life more than just a popularity contest? What if the girls banded together and demanded respect from guys, thereby training them to treat women the way they’re supposed to? It’s completely up to the girls; boys will do whatever they need to do to get attention from girls. If, and here’s the tricky part, the girls stand together. Without other girls trying to destroy each other, there’s a good chance that the guys would stop treating women like Kleenex, something to be used and tossed away when sullied.

What kind of legacy do you want to leave for your little sisters or your daughters?

Wanna girl talk some more?  Email me at terri@alifeinbalance.com

15 April 2011 ·

the SKINNY on dieting….

The Skinny on Dieting:
Did you know that the first definition of a diet, according to www.dictionary.com is “the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats”.  No mention of eating grapefruit for 7 days and then switching to raw onions for another 7. I was on the diet roller coaster from age 8 until a year ago when I just quit. Why? Because restrictive diets don’t work.  What does work? Accepting yourself exactly as you are, warts, cellulite and all.  Only from a place of calm can your body turn off the DNA based starvation mode. Our bodies aren’t much different than cavemen. In those days, food was scarce. If you stumbled across a tasty mastadon, you’d better eat until you could eat no more; then your body would help out by storing everything as fat until the next famine came along. The fight or flight stress hormones that once saved our hairy hides from being eaten are now turned on every time you encounter something threatening.,.like a pair of skinny jeans. When these hormones are flooding your body, anything you eat will be stored for later use; that’s right, as fat. So all those crash diets that stress your mind and body will work just great, until you “lose willpower” and eat again. Then you will gain it all right back, plus a little extra just for giggles.

If you’d like to stop this cycle, I have answers that don’t involve grapefruit, unless you really like grapefruit!

Wanna girl talk some more?  Email Terri@alifeinbalance.com

11 April 2011 ·